The ACME Eagle Hand Soap Radio Hour (99)

Another page from the ACME Catalog --

Before our feature presentation, ACME would like to start the evening with a couple for Christmas carols, one from an old friend of ours, Porky Pig, singing the Elvis classic, Blue Christmas:



The next is someone who should become a new friend of ours, Jimmy, the lump of Coal:




This weekend is smack dab in the middle of the ramp up to the holiday season: there are 10 more days until the big day (most of the staff of ACME have been working around the clock this holiday season for awhile - they have lost the concept of time.) While there are tons of list of the best this or that of the holiday, why not check out the worse. The ACME Eagle Hand Soap Radio Hour came up with an evening's entertainment of many of the worse items this Christmas: many of them so bad, they're good. Let's first check out what could be the worst Christmas movie even (and no, it's not little Pia Zadora in Santa Claus Conquers the Martians.) So if you have the time, grab a bowl of popcorn, get comfortable on the couch and join The ACME Eagle Hand Soap Radio Hour in watching, the 1964 film (if I can use that word,) The Magic Christmas Tree:



The father is so obtuse that he does not see The Magic Christmas Tree even though it is right in front of him and hits it with his lawn mower. Unless he is blind he should have seen the tree long before he hit it even if it was new to him.

Let's keep today's theme going by checking out ACME's annual Bad Holiday songs. The ACME Eagle Hand Soap Radio Hour encourages you to keep listening, (if you dare.)

First up again is Rock and Roll Santa by Jan Terri -



This is an amazingly bad performance. But Ms. Terri is very well known as an 'Outsider Rock and Roll' performer and there are people posting on the web that this is one of their favorite holiday songs. It is not one of mine.


Oh Come All Ye Faithful  Twisted Sister -



There's nothing really to say here - It's just bad, really bad.


Have a Cheeky Christmas  The Cheeky Girls -



We may never see Trump's Russian hotel tapes but we can watch this video and only imagine what it must be like


I'm Gonna Put Some Glue 'Round the Christmas Tree (So Santa Claus Will Stick Around All Year)   Joel Grey -



You read that correctly, Joel Grey made this novelty record in 1954.  It's bad enough to hear Joel pretend to be a young kid while he's in his early 20's when the song was released; think about him singing the song while dressed as the emcee from Caberet, (you're welcome for that image in your head.)


Santa Stole My Girlfriend  The Maine -



All I can say is that if a fat, married, middle-aged man, who spends most of his time hanging around elves, can steal you girlfriend, you have problems kid.


We'll end with our perennial favorite -



What list of cheesy holiday songs would be complete without this wretched dreck concerning a filthy child's odd foot fetish (especially since it centers around his dying mother) - always an uplifting tune.



But I will give Patton Oswald the final word on the subject.



Demand Euphoria!