Friday, April 26, 2013

Best movie ever made with a Japanese guy in rubber suit.

April 26, 1956 -

Godzilla debuted in American (Gojira premiered in Japan on November 3, 1954) :

With the ashes of World War II only recently cooled, Japan is plagued by a sudden wave of maritime disasters: Without warning, ships are exploding into flame and sinking beneath the waves. The few survivors are able to shed little light on the situation, as they quickly die from radiation and strange burns. (Hmmm, sound familiar) A group of investigators, including prominent paleontologist Dr. Yamane and American reporter Steve Martin (who was detoured from his trip to cover the Suez Crisis,) are sent to Odo Island to investigate. The natives warn that the ships are being destroyed by Gojira (Godzilla), a legendary monster. These claims are verified when a gigantic, dinosaur-like creature comes ashore and demolishes the native village. Dr. Yamane concludes that Godzilla is a prehistoric creature that has been awakened and mutated by atomic bomb tests. It's just the same conclusion you'd come to having just seen the ruins of a Japanese fishing village.

The military decides to use depth charges on the monster. However, the attack is unsuccessful, and Godzilla follows the ships back to Tokyo Bay. (Again, probably just what you would do - annoy a giant radioactive monster.) Coming ashore at night, Godzilla razes Tokyo. The destruction left in his wake is comparable to an atomic bomb. Military firepower proves useless against the monster. It is feared that Godzilla will continue to lay waste to the cities of Japan, and perhaps the entire world.

It is up to Emiko Yamane (Dr. Yamane’s daughter) to convince her former fiancé, Dr. Serizawa, to use his Oxygen Destroyer against Godzilla. Serizawa is skeptical; he fears that this terrible device might be more dangerous than the monster. However, he finally decides to make the ultimate sacrifice to rid the world of Godzilla.

So here in a nutshell, you have the greatest fever dream movie ever re-edited - a very good Sci-Fi film intercut with Raymond Burr, the undisputed king of deadpan delivery and nipple rouge entrepreneur.

(We take Godzilla very seriously in our home.).

Wednesday, April 24, 2013

More lovely than the monarch of the sky

Today's Word: Dionysiac ( die-uh-NIS-ee-ak ), (Latin Dionysiacus, from Greek Dionusiakos, from Dionusios.), adjective 1. Of or relating to Dionysus, the god of wine and of an orgiastic religion celebrating the power and fertility of nature. Of or relating to Dionysia, ancient Greek festivals held seasonally, chiefly at Athens, in honor of Dionysus. 2. Often dionysiac. Ecstatic or wild; Dionysian.

Keep it in mind (we'll come back to it.)

April 24, 1184 BC (this is an approximated date.)
Most of the people who could have verified this date were too busy smearing olive oil on each other and inventing Greco-Roman wrestling in the nude, so the creation of an accurate calendar wasn't a high priority.

Think Dionysiac

... Is this the face that launched a thousand ships? ....

OK kids, here's your quick Lit Hum course.

Once upon a time, a pretty naked Greek girl was lolling around a limpid pool (lots of pretty naked Greek girls were doing that back then) and she saw a beautiful swan.

Before you could said By Zeus, Leda lays an egg (psst, don't tell Rick Santorum but bestiality was involved) and out pops Helen - another pretty naked Greek girl. But Helen wasn't just any pretty naked Greek girl, she was the MOST BEAUTIFUL GIRL IN THE WORLD.

So when it was time for Helen to marry (at about 12), literally everyone who was anyone wanted to marry her, including Odysseus (who doesn't marry her but Penelope but that's another story), Menestheus, Ajax the Great, Patroclus and Idomeneus, Agamemnon (who doesn't marry her but her sister, Clytemnestra and lives (or dies) to regret it, but that again is another story). It doesn't hurt to mention at this point that her 'father' was the King of Sparta or the fact that he never noticed that she was hatched from a egg.

Yadda, yadda yadda, Helen marries Menelaus. Yadda, yadda, yadda, three more naked Greek goddesses, handsome naked Greek youth named Paris (how the French got into this story even I can't explain) and a golden apple.

Also, I bet you never realized how much nudity plays into this story.

Yadda, yadda yadda, an abduction and a promise extracted - bang zoom, you have the Trojan war. I have just saved you from reading Edith Hamilton's Mythology and most of the Iliad.

The Greek siege of Troy had lasted for ten years with no end in sight. The Greeks devised a new ruse: a giant hollow wooden horse. It was built by Epeius and filled with Greek warriors led by Odysseus. Meanwhile, a Greek spy, Sinon, convinced the Trojans that the horse was a gift despite the warnings of Laocoön (who gets to utter the line, "Beware Greeks bearing gifts" moments before being strangled by sea-serpents with his two sons - but that's another story)

and Cassandra (who has the gift of prophecy because of the God Apollo as a token of his love has snakes lick her ears clean but that again is another story) ;

Helen and Deiphobus (who won Helen in a game with his brother after the death of Paris but let's stay on course here) even investigated the horse; in the end, the Trojans accepted the gift on this date. In ancient times it was customary for a defeated general to surrender his horse to the victorious general in a sign of respect.

It should be noted here that the horse was the sacred animal of Poseidon; during the contest with Athena over the patronage of Athens, Poseidon gave men the horse, and Athena gave the olive tree. It should also be noted that after living ten years under a siege, one's reasoning seems to go out the window.

The Trojans have a huge orgy, I mean, party (think sodomy but on a grand scale - think dionysiac) to celebrate the end of the siege, so that, when the Greeks emerged from the horse, on this date, the city was in a drunken stupor. The Greek warriors opened the city gates to allow the rest of the army to enter, and the city was pillaged ruthlessly, all the men were killed, and all the women and children were taken into slavery.

And so ends the Iliad. Oh yeah, Brad Pitt ends up dead but Orlando Bloom is alive.

Discuss amongst yourselves.

Tuesday, April 23, 2013

God has given you one face, and you make yourself another.

Today is believed to be the birthday of William Shakespeare, born in Stratford-on-Avon, England (1564). He was a playwright and poet, and is considered to be the most influential and perhaps the greatest writer in the English language. His tragedies have been celebrated for centuries. For example, there’s the Tragedy of Julius Caesar, in which a Roman general thinks he’d like to be emperor, other people disagree, and everyone dies in the end. There is the Tragedy of Macbeth, in which a Scottish Thane thinks he’d like to be king, other people disagree, and everyone dies in the end. There is the Tragedy of Richard III, in which a hunch-backed noble thinks he'd like to be king, other people disagree, and everyone dies in the end. There is even the Tragedy of Hamlet, in which a young prince thinks and everyone dies in the end.

(That last is naturally set in Denmark, where the relationship between thinking and dying has been most famously chronicled by Soren Kierkegaard, who called life itself the sickness unto death. He was a very happy fella.)

He gave us many beloved plays, including Romeo and Juliet (1594), A Midsummer Night's Dream (1595), Gay Boys in Bondage (1601), Othello (1604), and King Lear (1605). Only a few scattered facts are known about his life. He was born and raised in the picturesque market town of Stratford-on-Avon, surrounded by woodlands. His father was a glover and a leather merchant; he and his wife had eight children including William, but three of them died in childbirth. William probably left grammar school when he was thirteen years old, but continued to study on his own.

He went to London around 1588 to pursue his career in drama (or to sleep with actresses or men who dresses like women) and by 1592 he was a well-known actor. He joined an acting troupe in 1594 and wrote many plays for the group while continuing to act. Scholars believe that he usually played the part of the first character that came on stage, but that in Hamlet he played the ghost.

Some scholars have suggested that Shakespeare couldn't have written the plays attributed to him because he had no formal education. A group of scientists recently plugged all his plays into a computer and tried to compare his work to other writers of his day, such as Francis Bacon, Christopher Marlowe, and the Earl of Oxford. The only writer they found who frequently used words and phrases similar to Shakespeare's was Queen Elizabeth I, and although Shakespeare had been seen in women's clothing several times, the Queen was eventually ruled out as well.

Shakespeare used one of the largest vocabularies of any English writer, almost 30,000 words, and he was the first writer to invent or record many of our most common turns of phrase, including foul play, as luck would have it, your own flesh and blood, too much of a good thing, good riddance, in one fell swoop, so is your mother, play fast and loose, up your nose with a rubber hose, dyn-o-mite, I know you are but what am I and in the twinkling of an eye.

Shakespeare wrote a lot of other plays and died in the end—on April 23, 1616. His accomplishments are all the more remarkable when you consider that he died on the same day he’d been born.

Friday, April 19, 2013

Traffic Advisory

Heavy fog this morning -

expect additional AT-AT traffic throughout the morning rush.

Wednesday, April 17, 2013

For Your Information

Amendment Number:     S.Amdt. 715 to S. 649 (Safe Communities, Safe Schools Act of2013)
Statement of Purpose:     To protect Second Amendment rights, ensure that all individuals who should be prohibited from buying a firearm are listed in the National Instant Criminal Background Check System, and provide a responsible and consistent background check process.

Alabama:        Sessions (R-AL), Nay    Shelby (R-AL), Nay
Alaska:        Begich (D-AK), Nay        Murkowski (R-AK), Nay
Arizona:        Flake (R-AZ), Nay        McCain (R-AZ), Yea
Arkansas:        Boozman (R-AR), Nay    Pryor (D-AR), Nay
California:    Boxer (D-CA), Yea        Feinstein (D-CA), Yea
Colorado:        Bennet (D-CO), Yea        Udall (D-CO), Yea
Connecticut:    Blumenthal (D-CT), Yea    Murphy (D-CT), Yea
Delaware:        Carper (D-DE), Yea        Coons (D-DE), Yea
Florida:        Nelson (D-FL), Yea        Rubio (R-FL), Nay
Georgia:        Chambliss (R-GA), Nay    Isakson (R-GA), Nay
Hawaii:        Hirono (D-HI), Yea        Schatz (D-HI), Yea
Idaho:        Crapo (R-ID), Nay        Risch (R-ID), Nay
Illinois:        Durbin (D-IL), Yea        Kirk (R-IL), Yea
Indiana:        Coats (R-IN), Nay        Donnelly (D-IN), Yea
Iowa:        Grassley (R-IA), Nay    Harkin (D-IA), Yea
Kansas:        Moran (R-KS), Nay        Roberts (R-KS), Nay
Kentucky:    McConnell (R-KY), Nay    Paul (R-KY), Nay
Louisiana:    Landrieu (D-LA), Yea    Vitter (R-LA), Nay
Maine:        Collins (R-ME), Yea        King (I-ME), Yea
Maryland:    Cardin (D-MD), Yea        Mikulski (D-MD), Yea
Massachusetts:    Cowan (D-MA), Yea        Warren (D-MA), Yea
Michigan:        Levin (D-MI), Yea        Stabenow (D-MI), Yea
Minnesota:    Franken (D-MN), Yea    Klobuchar (D-MN), Yea
Mississippi:    Cochran (R-MS), Nay    Wicker (R-MS), Nay
Missouri:        Blunt (R-MO), Nay        McCaskill (D-MO), Yea
Montana:        Baucus (D-MT), Nay    Tester (D-MT), Yea
Nebraska:    Fischer (R-NE), Nay    Johanns (R-NE), Nay
Nevada:        Heller (R-NV), Nay        Reid (D-NV), Nay
New Hampshire:    Ayotte (R-NH), Nay        Shaheen (D-NH), Yea
New Jersey:    Lautenberg (D-NJ), Yea    Menendez (D-NJ), Yea
New Mexico:    Heinrich (D-NM), Yea    Udall (D-NM), Yea
New York:    Gillibrand (D-NY), Yea    Schumer (D-NY), Yea
North Carolina:    Burr (R-NC), Nay        Hagan (D-NC), Yea
North Dakota:    Heitkamp (D-ND), Nay    Hoeven (R-ND), Nay
Ohio:        Brown (D-OH), Yea        Portman (R-OH), Nay
Oklahoma:    Coburn (R-OK), Nay    Inhofe (R-OK), Nay
Oregon:        Merkley (D-OR), Yea    Wyden (D-OR), Yea
Pennsylvania:    Casey (D-PA), Yea        Toomey (R-PA), Yea
Rhode Island:    Reed (D-RI), Yea        Whitehouse (D-RI), Yea
South Carolina:    Graham (R-SC), Nay    Scott (R-SC), Nay
South Dakota:    Johnson (D-SD), Yea    Thune (R-SD), Nay
Tennessee:    Alexander (R-TN), Nay    Corker (R-TN), Nay
Texas:        Cornyn (R-TX), Nay    Cruz (R-TX), Nay
Utah:         Hatch (R-UT), Nay        Lee (R-UT), Nay
Vermont:        Leahy (D-VT), Yea    S    anders (I-VT), Yea
Virginia:        Kaine (D-VA), Yea        Warner (D-VA), Yea
Washington:    Cantwell (D-WA), Yea    Murray (D-WA), Yea
West Virginia:    Manchin (D-WV), Yea    Rockefeller (D-WV), Yea
Wisconsin:    Baldwin (D-WI), Yea    Johnson (R-WI), Nay
Wyoming:    Barrasso (R-WY), Nay    Enzi (R-WY), Nay

Dancing is the poetry of the foot

Bruce Lee was the 1958 Hong Kong Cha-Cha Champion

Tuesday, April 16, 2013

Monday, April 15, 2013

Nicely put Mr. Orwalt

Patton Oswalt's comments on this afternoon's tragic events in Boston:

... So when you spot violence, or bigotry, or intolerance or fear or just garden-variety misogyny, hatred orignorance, just look it in the eye and think, “The good outnumber you, and we always will.”

Sunday, April 14, 2013

Never touch your idols,

the gilt will rub off on your hands

Touch the screen instead to feel the healing powers

Friday, April 12, 2013

le mot juste

... She wanted to die, but she also wanted to live in Paris....

Dr.'s Orders

4 out of 5 doctors recommend this for their patients.

The other doctor is busy over-prescribing dog tranquilizers

(Avoid that doctor at all costs.)

We all must try to be good

April 12, 1934 -
... He knew that there was passion there, but there was no shadow of it in her eyes or on her mouth; there was a faint spray of champagne on her breath. She clung nearer desperately and once more he kissed her and was chilled by the innocence of her kiss, by the glance that at the moment of contact looked beyond him out into the darkness of the night, the darkness of the world...

Tender is the Night - F. Scott Fitzgerald

Thursday, April 11, 2013

Have you read your warranty

It's somewhere on your body - keep looking

But for God's sake don't tear off the tag; you might void all rights.

Wednesday, April 10, 2013

I felt a haunting loneliness sometimes

... He had come a long way to this blue lawn, and his dream must have seemed so close that he could hardly fail to grasp it. He did not know that it was already behind him, somewhere back in that vast obscurity beyond the city, where the dark fields of the republic rolled on under the night. Gatsby believed in the green light, the orgastic future that year by year recedes before us. It eluded us then, but that's no matter - to-morrow we will run faster, stretch out our arms farther. . . . and one fine morning

- So we beat on, boats against the current, borne back ceaselessly into the past. - F. Scott Fitzgerald

The Great Gatsby was published on this date in 1925.

Tuesday, April 9, 2013

Major Fashion Faux Pas

There is no good Fashion reason to wear this item

I can barely think of a good sexual reason to use it (and believe me -  I have a very good imagination.)

Sunday, April 7, 2013

This is just so wrong

In China, the new meme of the day is to slip pantyhose (which must, in and of itself, be a neat trick) onto your family's dog and photograph it

At least, this time, it's not us.

Thursday, April 4, 2013

Free O.G. Mally

Last week, Justin Bieber flew to Munich to put on a few performances as part of his world tour. He did what all 19 year pop-star teen idols do; he brought his baby capuchin monkey O.G. Mally with him. What he did not do, like most 19 year old pop-star teen idol with good management would have done; he forgot the necessary papers to bring the monkey in and out of Germany. (One thing you should always remember - when in Germany and someone in a uniform shouts, "Papers", you damn well better have them.)

The Brown Shirts, I mean the animal shelter where Mally is being held announced it would give Justin Bieber (who's performing tonight in Frankfurt) four weeks to return to Munich with the necessary paperwork to claim his monkey; otherwise O.G. will be remanded to a work camp, I mean a European zoo.

Wednesday, April 3, 2013

And now you know

 Life among the royals:

According to the website - 19th Century Photos:

On July 5, 1866 the impecunious Prince Christian of Schleswig-Holstein-Sonderburg-Augustenburg was married to Queen Victoria’s third daughter, Princess Helena, the Queen making it a condition of her permission that the couple would make England their principal home. The bridegroom was fifteen years older than the bride and was generally acknowledged to be very boring. He smoked incessantly, which made him cough, and his teeth were bad. He had very little hair and hardly any money. He had only one eye and at dinner parties would order a footman to bring a tray containing his glass eyes, the history of each he would then explain at great length – his favourite being a blood-shot one he wore when he had a cold.

Tuesday, April 2, 2013

This is another sign of the apocalypse

When you get to this part of the internet -

turn around - you've gone too far.