Thursday, November 23, 2017

Break out the loose pants

I got most of my recipes from Good Mousekeeping

Here is a brief history of the holiday you may wish to share with your loved ones:

In the winter of 1620-1621, a group of immigrants in Massachusetts experienced a devastating winter. The weather was fierce. Food was scarce. Many died. At last spring came, then summer, and by the time of the autumn harvest things were looking about as rosy as they ever look in Massachusetts.

At a fundraising dinner that fall, Governor Bradford stood up and gave a speech:

"Thank God we survived last winter," he said. "Thank God this harvest gives us a fighting chance to survive the coming winter. And thank you for your support in the last election, please make checks payable to the Committee to Re-Elect the Governor, God bless America, amen. Let's eat."

The ensuing winter didn't turn out too badly, so the superstitious immigrants concluded that Governor Bradford's magic spell of "Thanksgiving" had done the trick.

The holiday was intermittently celebrated for years, with an enthusiasm scaled to the previous winter's weather, until November 26, 1789, when President Washington issued a proclamation calling for a nationwide day of thanksgiving for the establishment of the Constitution.

Washington's proclamation wasn't much different from Bradford's:

"Thank God we survived last winter," he said. "Thank God we've got a fighting chance to survive the coming winter. Thank God we've got our own damn country now and don't have to put up with a bunch of meddling European bastards. And thank you for your support in the last election, please make checks payable to Federalists for Washington, God bless America, amen. Let's eat."

Washington, the Constitution, and many of the immigrants (who were now Americans) survived the winter, so this new spell was also deemed effective.

President Lincoln later proclaimed the last Thursday of November Thanksgiving Day in 1863 (although he did not survive to see the next Thanksgiving),

but President Roosevelt moved it back to the fourth Thursday of the month in 1939 to extend the time available for holiday shopping.

President Ford proposed making it the third Wednesday in September, in order to really extend the time available for holiday shopping, but he only made the proposal to his golden retriever, Liberty, so the suggestion never reached congress.

And so we celebrate Thanksgiving on the fourth Thursday of November every year, in honor of having survived last winter, having got rid of those meddling European bastards, having invented our own rules and having plenty of time to shop before the holidays.

I know it sounds trite but please, take a moment to remember all of the people around our country who are homeless and out in the cold this evening.

Demand Euphoria!

Wednesday, November 22, 2017

I could have told you this

More alcohol is consumed today, the day before Thanksgiving, than on New Year's Eve or St. Patrick's Day.

Why, (you may ask?) Many college students return home and reunite with their high school buddies. And the crippling anxiety of being surrounded by family drives some to drink.

It's time to consider the main course - Turkey.  I am reminded of the W. Somerset Maugham quote: At a dinner party one should eat wisely but not too well, and talk well but not too wisely. 

Since Mr. Teeny can't be your sou-chef tomorrow, I've posted a few notes on cooking the bird in question:

Turkey w/ Stuffing

Homemade Cranberry Sauce

Here are a couple more Thanksgiving themes episodes to watch while your thinking about what you've gotten yourself into

Gilmore Girls - A Deep-Fried Korean Thanksgiving

Before launching into Hymn 17 as Mrs. Kim requests, Dave plays the main riff from The Man who Sold the World by David Bowie.

Murphy Brown - Mission Control

I'll leave you today with a thoughtful quote from Oscar Wilde: After a good dinner one can forgive anybody, even one’s own relations.

Demand Euphoria!

Tuesday, November 21, 2017

For all you naughty diners

... there's never been a vegetable that can make people laugh - Will Rogers

It's time to think about the vegetables -

You probably don't like them (maybe you do, what do I know.) You probably had a bad experience in elementary school (not with vegetables - just in school.) Well, you have to eat vegetables sometimes and Thanksgiving is as good a time as any.

Here are a couple of suggestions on vegetables:

Ginger Carrots  
Roasted Brussel Sprouts 
Green Beans

Mash Potatoes (the pleasant way to transport gravy into your body)
Sweet Potatoes 

Here are a couple more Thanksgiving themes episodes to watch while your thinking about your choices

Just Shoot Me - The First Thanksgiving.

Both David Spade (Dennis Finch) and Wendie Malick (Nina Van Horn) had roles in the Disney movie The Emperor's New Groove which was released while Just Shoot Me! was on the air. Spade played Emperor Kuzco and Malick played Pacha's Wife.

Malcolm in the Middle - Thanksgiving

The episode once again showcases Reese's amazing ability to cook.

Demand Euphoria!

Monday, November 20, 2017

Syngenesophobia –

an irrational fear of relatives.

Your friend at ACME are proud to share our annual Thanksgiving recipe postings:

Thanksgiving is just around the corner; if you have to host this year, you need to consider your turkey choice this year - frozen or fresh.  I believe this is a more heated debate that Kurdish independence.  Look, frozen is cheaper and if you buy it by today you will have enough time to defrost it safely in your refrigerator by Thursday.

If you want to buy a fresh one (or forget to buy a frozen one today,) you have until Wednesday night to go shopping. You can buy a frozen one later this week but defrosting it properly is between you and your god.  While you are having that religious debate with yourself, here are a couple of fun Thanksgiving related sitcoms.

Bewitched - Samantha’s Thanksgiving To Remember:

Many fans remember this episode because Aunt Clara's spell takes Gladys Kravitz along for the ride.

The Bob Newhart Show - Over the River and Through the Woods:

This episode's considered by fans (and series actors, including Bob Newhart, himself), as one of funniest of the series.

You don't need to stress out about the appetizer course of your Thanksgiving feast.  Please feel free to run to your local deli and get the following items:

precut Carrots/ Celery Sticks
Pre-cubed assorted Cheese
Jarred Olives

If you need to work off a past sin or earn your way into heaven, here's a somewhat simple recipe for a Shrimp Dip.  Trust me, if you make it, you will impress you friends and family.

Since Thanksgiving is mostly about ritual and tradition, here is the annual posting of my family's traditional holiday dip. This is literally a blast from the 60s but then again, so am I.

We are going to my mother's house for Thanksgiving this year; so I have to endure all the scornful mocking reproaches from my mother about my cooking this year that I didn't get last year when we stayed home. But most, if not all, of you are not partaking in our holiday feast this year, I give you my moms recipe for Shrimp Dip (I have forbidden my mother from reading any of the holiday posts this year). For the rest of you, it's perfect and perhaps you have a slight clue as to the high alcohol content of my recipes.

1 - 10 oz. can condensed tomato soup (you know that kind - Andy Warhol painted it and until they pay me, I'm not mentioning the brand name.)
1 - 8 oz. package cream cheese
1 - 8 oz. jar of mayonnaise
1 package of Knox Gelatin (I mentioned the brand name, sue me, I don't know any other gelatin company.)
1 cup diced onions
1 cup diced celery
3 - 5 ounces cans of medium shrimp*
1/4 teaspoon Worcestershire sauce

* Sharp utility knife
* Dinner size folk (not the salad folk)
* Cutting board
* Small saucepan
* Medium sized mixing bowl
* Can opener
* Medium sized sieve
* 1.5 quart Tupperware bowl (with bumpable lid)**
* 1 large wooden spoon
* Several shots of the best vodka you have (in your freezer)
* 1 Beach Boys CD (preferably Pet Sounds)

Turn on the CD. It had better be Pet Sounds.

Don't argue with me - If Sgt Pepper didn't exist, this would have been the greatest album ever made. Brian Wilson went crazy because of it. A character in Doonesbury died while listening to it - I'll come to your house and hurt you.

Cut your onion and celery into small dice like pieces. I usually don't care about these sort of things but since you aren't going to cook them, cut them fairly evenly and small (those of you suffering from OCD - 6/16 squares.) Take you're first shot of vodka. Put the onions and celery aside. Contemplate the obsessive nature of musical geniuses (think about how many different drugs Brian must have been doing at the time to name an album Pet Sounds.)

Add the cream cheese, mayo, onions and celery into the bowl and mix thoroughly. (Take a shot or not - your choice.) Heat the soup in small saucepan over a medium flame until just simmering and take off flame. Add the Worcestershire and the gelatin package into the heated soup and stir vigorously (to avoid clumping.) This is called 'blooming the gelatin'. Stir for about five minutes. Let 100 flowers bloom (my mother proof read this and specifically wanted me to mention that she is not encouraging the advancement of Communism by the making of her shrimp dip. Duly noted mom.)

Add the tomato soup into the cream cheese mixture and combine thoroughly. Congratulate yourself that you've come this far with the recipe and have another shot. Open the cans of shrimp and drain and briefly rinse shrimp. Add to the cheese mixture and fold shrimp in until just combined, trying not to mash the shrimps up (if you do - so what, your mother isn't going to yell at you.) You should be up to the really sad part of the CD - try not to cry into the bowl. If you can't stop crying - cut your alcohol intake immediately.

Transfer to Tupperware bowl. Smooth the top and seal. Remember to 'burp' the bowl. Giggle to yourself - it's ok, you burped the bowl. Refrigerate several hours (overnight is preferable.)

To serve, remove from refrigerator and warm outside of bowl to loosen dip from side and turn out onto a serving plate. Serve with crackers (My mother prefers Ritz crackers - I like Carr's; it's your choice, she's not your mother.)

* 3 cans of the medium size shrimp equal about a pound of cooked shrimp. If you can't bring yourself to use canned shrimp - by all means use cooked shrimp. You'll need to chop the shrimp into small pieces (maybe even squirt them with a slice of lemon - again, your mother isn't looking over your shoulder.)

** You can use whatever resealable container you'd like, Tupperware didn't pay me a dime.

Demand Euphoria!

Saturday, November 18, 2017

The ACME Eagle Hand Soap Radio Hour (42)

Another page from the ACME Catalog -

Before our feature presentation, ACME would like to start the evening with a Bugs Bunny/ Elmer Fudd Looney Tunes cartoon, the 1953 Friz Freleng directed, Robot Rabbit:

The sequence where the robot sifts the ground on a large sieve to catch Bugs is recycled animation from Rabbit Every Monday.

Towards the end of 1970, Elton John was touring the United States in support of his third LP, Tumbleweed Connection. The night before a scheduled concert at the Fillmore East in New York, Elton John did the first ever stereo radio broadcasts live at A&R Recording Studios in New York City on November 17, 1970. It was his 29th performance in the United States, and only his second in New York City. The resulting live album, cleverly entitled 11-17-70, was never meant to be released: so many fans kept trading 'bootleg' copies of the broadcast, that Elton's label, at the time, MCA Records felt the need to release a version of the broadcast. The ACME Eagle Hand Soap Radio Hour would like you to join them in listening to a 'bootleg' version of the original radio broadcast from that evening -

Although the album sold OK, it was his worst selling album of the early 70s. It reached No. 11 on the Billboard charts, but that was nothing for an artist who had seven number one albums.

Demand Euphoria!

Thursday, November 16, 2017

I don't remember,

I don't recall,
I got no memory of anything at all

I don't remember, I don't recall
I got no memory of anything

Demand Euphoria!

Monday, November 13, 2017

Saturday, November 11, 2017

The ACME Eagle Hand Soap Radio Hour (41)

Another page from the ACME Catalog -

Before our feature presentation, ACME would like to start the evening with a Sylvester and Tweety Looney Tunes cartoon, the 1954 Friz Freleng directed, Satan's Waiting:

The cartoon's plot was later reworked nine years later as the Bugs Bunny cartoon Devil's Feud Cake, although unlike this cartoon Devil's Feud Cake re-uses footage from previous cartoons.

Wading through the backwaters of the intraweb, your friends at ACME came upon the an Annie Lennox concert we hadn't seen before, her BBC One Sessions - a special concert at the home of the London Symphony Orchestra at St Luke’s Church in London. The special was originally broadcast on March 31, 2009. The ACME Eagle Hand Soap Radio Hour would like to invite you to join us in watching this special tonight.

(Don't forget to pop over to the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame website and vote for the Eurythmics to be inducted into the 2018 Hall of Fame.)

Demand Euphoria!

Monday, November 6, 2017

Saturday, November 4, 2017

The ACME Eagle Hand Soap Radio Hour (40)

Another page from the ACME Catalog -

Before our feature presentation, ACME would like to start the evening with a Claude Cat Looney Tunes cartoon, the 1952 Chuck Jones directed, Mouse Warming:

This cartoon occasionally has had the scene cut of Alice Mouse's father shoots Claude in the face

On Thanksgiving Day 41 years ago,  November 26, 1976, The Band gave their final concert with their original lineup, a massive swan song that the group turned into an all-star spectacleMartin Scorsese was neck-deep in finishing New York, New York, his ill-fated attempt in remaking the classic Hollywood musical. Behind his producers backs, Scorsese accepted The Band's request to film the event.  Along the way, Scorsese captured the whole thing and later released it as a movie. Several sources site that today, November 4, 1977, Martin Scoresese arranged to have the finished film shown in New York City.  ACME would like to celebrate the film and commemorate the anniversary of it's showing by asking you in joining us in watching The Last Waltz today. Remember to 'Play it really loud!'

Before the concert filming, audience members at the Berkley Orchestra venue were served Thanksgiving dinner and treated to dancing - - appropriately set to music suitable for a waltz. Robbie Robertson recalled in his memoir Testimony that one of the shows organizers said it took two hundred turkeys to feed the crowd of at least a thousand patrons.

Demand Euphoria!

Friday, November 3, 2017

... humans are weak animals.

November 3, 1954 -

Gojira premiered in Japan on this date 63 years ago (Godzilla: King of the Monsters debuted in America on April 26, 1956) :

With the ashes of World War II only recently cooled, Japan is plagued by a sudden wave of maritime disasters: Without warning, ships are exploding into flame and sinking beneath the waves. The few survivors are able to shed little light on the situation, as they quickly die from radiation and strange burns. (Hmmm, sound familiar) A group of investigators, including prominent paleontologist Dr. Yamane are sent to Odo Island to investigate. The natives warn that the ships are being destroyed by Gojira (Godzilla), a legendary monster. These claims are verified when a gigantic, dinosaur-like creature comes ashore and demolishes the native village. Dr. Yamane concludes that Godzilla is a prehistoric creature that has been awakened and mutated by atomic bomb tests. It's just the same conclusion you'd come to having just seen the ruins of a Japanese fishing village.

The military decides to use depth charges on the monster. However, the attack is unsuccessful, and Godzilla follows the ships back to Tokyo Bay. (Again, probably just what you would do - annoy a giant radioactive monster.) Coming ashore at night, Godzilla razes Tokyo. The destruction left in his wake is comparable to an atomic bomb. Military firepower proves useless against the monster. It is feared that Godzilla will continue to lay waste to the cities of Japan, and perhaps the entire world.

It is up to Emiko Yamane (Dr. Yamane’s daughter) to convince her former fiancĂ©, Dr. Serizawa, to use his Oxygen Destroyer against Godzilla. Serizawa is skeptical; he fears that this terrible device might be more dangerous than the monster. However, he finally decides to make the ultimate sacrifice to rid the world of Godzilla.

So here in a nutshell, you have the greatest fever dream movie and a warning about nuclear proliferation.

(We take Godzilla very seriously in our home.)

Tuesday, October 31, 2017

Everybody scream, everybody scream!

Ancient Romans celebrated a holiday called Feralia on February 21. At first it was a simple day off to recover from the holiday of February 20 (Salvia Divinorum), and to take care of last minute shopping before the holiday of February 22 (Salta Boca).

It was, coincidentally, the last day of the year according to the Roman calendar.

Over time it became a sacred day in its own right. It became a festival to honor the dead, and like most Roman holidays it involved some serious drinking. Feralia also resembled most other Roman holidays in that it outlasted the western Roman empire. The jolly men and women of the Mediterranean basin saw no reason to give up the riotous holiday, with all its drinking and orgies, despite countless reminders from an ascendant Christian church that drinking was bad (unless it was Jesus' blood) and orgies were worse.

At last, in the 7th century, Pope Boniface IV decided that the holiday was Christian after all, except that instead of honoring all the dead it should honor only dead saints, that instead of Feralia it should be called All Saints' Day, that instead of drinking and orgies it should be a day of prayer and meditation, and that instead of February 21 it should be observed on May 13.

The good peoples of the Christian world happily accepted the new name and date, but persisted in drinking and vigorous humping. As punishment for this inappropriate enjoyment, Pope Gregory III moved it to November 1, and unwittingly laid the foundation for our modern Halloween.

Hold that thought.

Since as early as the 5th century BC, the ancient Celts had considered October 31 the last day of summer. They called the day Samhain (rhymes with Clamhain), and they believed all the divisions between the world of the living and the world of the dead were dissolved for that brief period. They thought the dead used this window of opportunity to possess the souls of the living, and the thought scared the piss out of them.

A variety of bizarre rituals to ward off the dead accumulated around Samhain over the centuries, including the sacrificial burning of virgins (when any could be found).

When these Celtic rituals collided with the Christian All Saints' Day, all hell broke loose. People didn't know whether they should pray, drink, orgy, burn virgins, or what. They tried a lot of different combination: they got drunk and prayed, they burned virgins and got drunk, they prayed to have orgies and got drunk with virgins, they prayed then got drunk and had orgies with virgins.

Eventually they settled on sending their kids out in silly costumes to ask their neighbors for candy. This was intended to keep them out of the house while the drinking and orgies raged, but since everyone's doorbells kept ringing from everyone else's children, the drinking and orgies gradually faded away.

Of course, this brief outline only traces the development of Halloween as we know it in America. The holiday is still celebrated in countries all over the world in an astonishing number of ways.

In Bulgaria, for example, October 31 is a national holiday called Pazardzhik. In rural districts, children dress up as kitchen utensils and dash from farm to farm tying chickens' feet together. Any unhappy farmer attempting to shoo the children away from his chickens will find himself pelted with manure and glass shards as the children sing playful Pazardzhik carols. In Mexico, the Day of the Dead lasts from October 31 through November 2, which has long been a concern to students of the Mexican calendar. The celebration is a fusion of sixteenth-century Spaniards' All Souls' and All Saints' Days and the Aztec festival honoring Mictecacihuatl, the Aztec goddess of the dead. (Mictecacihuatl was said to have died at birth as the result of complications relating to pronunciation of her name.)

One can't help but marvel at the similarities between the Day of the Dead that arose in Meso-America and Kyrgyzstan's Day of the Very Sick (November 1), Papua New Guinea's Evening of the Emotionally Exhausted (October 31), and Vanuatu's Cardiovascular Appreciation Days (October 31 - November 2).

In Saudi Arabia, October 31 is Sandy Night. As soon as the sun sets, children scamper out into the desert and fill their home-made bags with sand. The holiday is believed to be derived from the ancient Bedouin tradition of sending children out to fill bags with sand.

In Chile, Halloween is infused with ancient Incan traditions. Fretful mothers extinguish the fires in their hearths for fear of attracting Spaniards while naughty children take their parents hostage and demand their weight in chocolate.

In Wittenberg, Germany, October 31 is celebrated as the day on which Martin Luther nailed his 95 Theses to the door of the church in 1517. Many of the town's children frolic giddily about, nailing Theses here and there with impish delight, while others try to catch and burn them as heretics.

Whatever your own tradition, enjoy Halloween.

Be careful out there though - you know what, - why not stay inside.

Monday, October 30, 2017

Sunday, October 29, 2017

If this kid shows up Tuesday,

Just hand him the candy

DO NOT engage him in conversation.

Demand Euphoria!

Saturday, October 28, 2017

The ACME Eagle Hand Soap Radio Hour (39)

Another page from the ACME Catalog -

ACME would like to wish everyone a Spooky Halloween with a special Drive-In double-feature tonight. Before our first feature presentation begins, ACME would like to start the evening with a spooky Looney Tunes cartoon with the Frank Tashlin directed 1937 Porky Pig outing, The Case of the Stuttering Pig:

This is an unusual cartoon in that Petunia Pig appears as Porky's sister, rather than his girlfriend, as in her other appearances.

Our first feature tonight is the 1955 Joseph Newman (Universal was dissatisfied with some of Newman's work, and brought in Jack Arnold to re-shoot some scenes,) Sci-Fi B-movie classic This Island Earth, starring Jeff Morrow, Faith Domergue, and Rex Reason. Please join The ACME Eagle Hand Soap Radio Hour in turning out the lights in the house and curling up on the couch.

This might change the way you view the film: According to Faith Domergue, the pants of her costume were so skintight that she could not wear underwear. A female assistant had to help her put them on and take them off.

Here's another page from the ACME Catalog -

Before our second film begins, ACME would like to show another spooky Looney Tunes cartoon with the Chuck Jones directed 1956 Bugs Bunny/ Witch Hazel outing, Broom-Stick Bunny:

It's unknown if Hazel's pet tarantula, Paul, died naturally or if she had used as an ingredient in a past potion recipe.

Our second feature tonight is a lesser known Sci-Fi B-movie, the 1957 William Asher (of Bewicthed fame,) The 27th Day, starring Gene Barry, and Valerie French. Once again, please join The ACME Eagle Hand Soap Radio Hour in tossing another bag of popcorn in the microwave and making some more room on the couch for us. (If you made your old doctor another martini, that would just hit the spot.)

The beach scene at which Eve Wingate is out with her original boyfriend, and later where she throws away the capsules, is the same location used by Columbia for the famous love scene between Burt Lancaster and Deborah Kerr in From Here to Eternity.

Kids, remember to let you parents check you trick-or-treat bags when you come home next Tuesday. You never know if the candy has been poisoned, especially the fancy chocolates.

Demand Euphoria

Friday, October 27, 2017

The proper response

When receiving your drink with too much vermouth

Demand Euphoria!

Wednesday, October 25, 2017

In a pinch

Those small boxes of raisins will keep the kids away

Demand Euphoria!

Monday, October 23, 2017

Arachibutyrophobia -

an irrational fear of peanut butter sticking to one’s palate.

Demand Euphoria!

Saturday, October 21, 2017

The ACME Eagle Hand Soap Radio Hour (38)

Another page from the ACME Catalog -

Before our feature presentation, ACME would like to start the evening with the fourth pairing of the Road Runner/ Wile E. Coyote, the 1953 Chuck Jones directed Looney Tunes cartoon, Zipping Along:

Some syndicated versions of this cartoon cut the scene of Wile E. being blasted by a row of rifles.

On September 28th, 2014 at the The Fonda Theater in Los Angeles, George Harrison's son Dhani, gathered a group of musicians to pay tribute to George Harrison and his songs. Please join The ACME Eagle Hand Soap Radio Hour in listening to (an abbreviated) George Fest: A Night to Celebrate the Music of George Harrison.

Great musical trivia: He was the first Beatle to have a number one song as a solo act. My Sweet Lord hit the #1 spot on the charts in December of 1970. But then again he didn't really write it, did he?

Demand Euphoria!

Tuesday, October 17, 2017

Halloween is in Two Weeks

Prepare yourself for the onslaught of Christmas decorations in your local stores

Demand Euphoria!

Monday, October 16, 2017

Saturday, October 14, 2017

The ACME Eagle Hand Soap Radio Hour (37)

Another page from the ACME Catalog -

Before our feature presentation, ACME would like to start the evening with another Road Runner/ Wile E. Coyote Looney Tunes cartoon, the 1958 Chuck Jones directed , Hip, Hip Hurry:

Rather than having incidental music composed and arranged specifically for the cartoon, this is one of six Warner Brothers cartoons featuring a non-thematic stock soundtrack due to a musicians' strike. It was scored by John Seely of Capitol Records using stock music from the Hi-Q sound library.

In 1963, before the Rolling Stones hit it big, Charlie Watts met Shirley Ann Shepherd and they began dating. On October 14, 1974, the couple married. They have been married ever since.

The ACME Eagle Hand Soap Radio Hour would like to commemorate their anniversary by asking you to join us in listening to the Rolling Stones' 1973 album, Goat's Head Soup, which hit the US Billboard 200 in the No. 1 spot on October 13, 1973 and stayed there for four weeks. (It was the group’s fourth number one album.)

Great musical trivia (I'm being encouraged to stop encouraging gambling in taverns): The song Waiting On A Friend was originally recorded in 1972 during the sessions for the album Goats Head Soup. The song didn't make the cut but was repackaged and released on Tattoo You nine years later.

Demand Euphoria!

Thursday, October 12, 2017

Failed Ideas

Mr Sven Petersmann thought he had a surefire plan for his milk delivery business.

Unfortunately Tillie gets car sick

Demand Euphoria!

Tuesday, October 10, 2017

A young satanist guide to invocations -

A young supplicant tries to conjure up Asmodeus; he is thwarted by a rookie move.

He forgot to remove the goat's diaper. 

Remember Kids - everyone has got to be naked during demonic rites.

Demand Euphoria!