You don't have to be a monster

He's got the message

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You might want to be concerned,

 if the kids ask for it by name

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Daily Affirmation for some

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Velleity

A wish or inclination which is not strong enough to lead one to take action.



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Perfect book during this time of quarantine

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The ACME Eagle Hand Soap Radio Hour (170)

Thank you for joining us today.

Before our feature presentation, ACME would like to start the evening with another Bugs Bunny Looney Tunes cartoon (featuring Yosemite Sam), the 1950 Big House Bunny directed by Robert McKimson.



Please note: the entire scene of Bugs running up onto a gallows, pressing a button that lowers him like an elevator, and Sam Schultz doing the same, only to get hanged, is usually cut when this cartoon airs on TV.


Before the start of our feature presentation ACME Eagle Hand Soap would like you to watch the important PSA - ACME is doing its' part in the fight against COVID - 19 - we've created the Hand Washing Monitors -



Remember, use ACME Eagle Hand Soap frequently and we'll be on the look out.


We hope you are doing well with your self quarantines - the programming department of The ACME Eagle Hand Soap Radio Hour have been vigorously scrubbing themselves with ACME Eagle Hand Soap - If your eagle's hands are dirty, we'll wash them clean! and sanitizing themselves for your protection. We are also engaged in social distancing - we are communicating with each other via invisible ink and Navajo smoke signals .

We've picked another entry from the excellent reference book, 1001 Movies You Must See Before You Die by Steven Jay Schneider for today's feature. Today choice - The 39 Steps - is a classic from 1935 that cemented Alfred Hitchcock an one of the masters of suspense. Although Hitchcock had already made a string of successful movies, The 39 Steps brought him international recognition and helped launch his Hollywood career. So why not sit back and relax (quick, find the most comfortable seat on the sofa,) get a snack (perhaps, some popcorn,) and a beverage and join The ACME Eagle Hand Soap Radio Hour in watching this superb film, The 39 Steps. -



Before filming the scene where Hannay (Robert Donat) and Pamela (Madeleine Carroll) run through the countryside, Alfred Hitchcock handcuffed them together and pretended for several hours to have lost the key in order to put them in the right frame of mind for such a situation.


Before you go - let's hear some more about life during the time of COVID - 19 from a group of immigrant workers -



Kids, if these little guys could figure it out, so could you. Someday we'll over COVID-19 quarantine!



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Cocktail for One

Thank you Ina

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The perfect song during this time of COVID

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My owl isn't the one who needs these at the moment

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Sometimes, you find enlightenment ...

in the strangest places.

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Uroboros

A circular symbol depicting a snake (or a dragon) swallowing its tail, intended as an emblem of wholeness or infinity



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Not a quarantine favorite

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The ACME Eagle Hand Soap Radio Hour (169)

Thank you for joining us today.

Before our feature presentation, ACME would like to start the evening with another Bugs Bunny Merrie Melodies cartoon, the 1950 Homeless Hare directed by Chuck Jones.



This title has been edited in the past: the part where Bugs throws a brick to the construction worker's head with a message attached was edited to remove the brick actually making contact with his head and the shot of the brick on the construction worker's face before he rips the note off and reads it.


Before the start of our feature presentation ACME Eagle Hand Soap would like you to watch the important PSA - Although we are living during COVID - 19 - Let hear how the stay in place by a singing novice on a mountainside -



Remember, use ACME Eagle Hand Soap frequently and Please do not swan around Saltzburg, singing without wearing masks.


We hope you are doing well with your self quarantines - the programming department of The ACME Eagle Hand Soap Radio Hour have been vigorously scrubbing themselves with ACME Eagle Hand Soap - If your eagle's hands are dirty, we'll wash them clean! and sanitizing themselves for your protection. We are also engaged in social distancing - we are communicating with each other via morse code and carrier pigeon.

We have gone back to the excellent reference book, 1001 Movies You Must See Before You Die by Steven Jay Schneider for today's feature. So violent and scandalous was tonight's feature that it almost personally brought on Hollywood's Movie Code. So why not sit back and relax (quick, find the most comfortable seat on the sofa,) get a snack (perhaps, some popcorn,) and a beverage and join The ACME Eagle Hand Soap Radio Hour in watching this superb film, Scarface: The Shame of the Nation. -



Screenwriter Ben Hecht was a former Chicago journalist familiar with the city's Prohibition-era gangsters, including Al Capone. During the filming Hecht returned to his Los Angeles hotel room one night to find two Capone torpedoes waiting for him. The gangsters demanded to know if the movie was about Capone. Hecht assured them it wasn't, saying that the character Tony Camonte was based on gangsters like "Big" Jim Colosimo and Charles Dion O'Bannion. "Then why is the movie called Scarface?" one of the hoods demanded. "Everyone will think it's about Capone!" "That's the reason," said Hecht. "If you call the movie Scarface, people will think it's about Capone and come to see it. It's part of the racket we call show business." The Capone hoods, who appreciated the value of a scam, left the hotel placated.


Before you go - let's hear more about the tolls of social isolation from a murderous teen-age girl from Kansas -



Kids, being home alone at anytime is tough but please don't drop your home on elderly spinsters who happens to annoy you. Someday we'll over COVID-19 quarantine!



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Much like the sled dogs delivering the precious serium,

UPS broke through the quarantine lines and delivered the healing balm!

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Motto of the Day

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Just couldn't make the products motto work

Why not pick up some crabs on the way home!

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Losing track of the days

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Tsantsa

A human head shrunk as a war trophy by the Jivaro people of Ecuador



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Remember, find all those eggs!

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The ACME Eagle Hand Soap Radio Hour (168)

For our Spanish speaking viewers -

Laverse sus manos!


Thank you for joining us today.

Before our feature presentation, ACME would like to start the evening with another Bugs Bunny Looney Tunes cartoon, the 1950 Mutiny on the Bunny (featuring Yosemite Sam) directed by Friz Freleng.



Though this cartoon is in the Looney Tunes series, the Merrie Melodies rings are seen in the first opening title.


Before the start of our feature presentation ACME Eagle Hand Soap would like you to watch the important PSA - We are living during COVID - 19 - Let hear how the group Kiffness is handling this -



Remember, use ACME Eagle Hand Soap frequently and Please put on some pants!


We hope you are doing well with your self quarantines - the programming department of The ACME Eagle Hand Soap Radio Hour have been liberally washing themselves with ACME Eagle Hand Soap - If your eagle's hands are dirty, we'll wash them clean! and sanitizing themselves for your protection. Historically important as the first CinemaScope feature film, The Robe starring Richard Burton, Jean Simmons and Victor Mature, seems to be the perfect viewing during this holiday season. So please, find yourself a comfortable seat and enjoy The Robe -



There was speculation that remarks Richard Burton made about Hollywood blacklisting while filming this movie may be the reason why he never won an Oscar, despite being nominated seven times.



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Drinking with your favorite Buddhist monk

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Indulgentiam, absolutionem, et remissionem

Many have asked how I began my life of crime - I started out as an altar boy.

I became an Altar boy because you could get out of school early twice a week. You did have to do an early mass (7:00 AM) once a week but what the hell. The priest that ran the program was a frustrated football coach. We would have our weekly meeting and he would roll a blackboard out onto the altar and diagram what we were supposed to do.

He also told us that when at rest, we should keep our hands loosely clasped at our waist not at crotch level. "You boys do not have balls big enough to walk around holding them," he would warn us.

The duties of an altar boy are vast and complex. You had to set up before mass – you making sure there was water and wine and enough hosts ready for mass. If you ever wanted to have your little mind blown, open up the jumbo bag o' Body of Christ and fill up the receptacle like so much cocktail peanuts.

Since these are not yet been consecrated, you are permitted to handle them. But you had to guess how many parishioners would attend mass because the priest hated waste and if he didn't have mass later that day, he had to consume the remaining hosts (nothing worse that stale Eucharists). But God forbid you didn't have enough and you had to run back in to get some more – that got you a smack to the head.

Yes, priests were allowed to smack the altar boys around. The priest was holy and you were a snot nosed kid, so if the priest hit you – you must have deserved it.

Then there was the issue of the 'Blood of Christ'. Each priest had his own special mixture of wine and water to create the sacrament. One priest liked sherry. Another liked white wine. The third like the traditional red wine. But monsignor liked his scotch, with just a splash of water for his `Blood o' Christ'.

"Boyo, don't be stingy with the scotch this morning, tis cold and you didn't pay for it," monsignor would hiss under his breath. "And not too much water. Christ wasn't anemic, boyo."

Besides having to dole out the sacraments, Altar boys had to hold the bible for priest during mass. You had to mark the appropriate space for the daily mass and be prepared to open to that page when called upon to do so. Woe was you if you forgot to mark your place or didn't hold the book steady enough or close enough when the priest had a hangover and his sight was blurry. That got you a smack to the back of the head.

You also had to ring a special set of bells at a specific point in the mass. God forbid you rang them too enthusiastically (to get your friends attention) or worse, missed the cue and rang them too late. That got you another smack to the head.

You also had to lay out the correct vestments for the day's mass. The little old ladies, who were the handmaidens to priest, would tag them for you and you had to take them out of the garment bag. Sometimes the old ladies were running late or they forgot and you had to guess which garment. That could be you a boot in the ass for the wrong guess.

One of your main tasks was to play catcher for fallen hosts. For those of you who remember (or know), the priest had to place the body of Christ directly on the tongue of the receiver. The altar boy walks next to the priest, holding a small salver (serving tray) on a stick (paten) under the chin of the receiver, just in case, the priest dropped the Eucharist or it slipped from the receivers mouth. In that horrific case, the priest had to consume the host himself. Also if someone throws up right after receiving communion, the priest had to re-ingest the pre-digested communion wafer. (Yes, you know where we're going with this.)

Altar boys would practice the secret art of flicking the paten, so they could force their friends to spit up the host and watch the priest have to eat the pre-moistened host. But you had to do this, without the priest catching you – it meant instant dismissal from the ranks of altar boydom. Yes, I got one or two of my friends in the throat and never go caught.

Now we come up to the another important function of the altar boy – towel boy. At the end of communion, the priest cleans his hands and finishes the wine (Blood O' Christ) in the chalice.

The altar boy's job is to pour water for the priest as he rinses his fingers of the Crumbs O' Christ into the chalice and then offer him a hand towel (purificator) before he finishes off his holy drink. Unlike the attendants in washrooms, no tips were offered for  your services. It was just, `hurry it up, we're not washing my dick here' or `Not too much, that was the good sherry you poured today. I'm going to kill you when we get back into the sacristy'.

At this point, mass was nearly over and if you were lucky so was your torture. Either you had the beatings hanging over your head or you know you could make a quick get away. Once mass was over, you have to stow away the various items that were used during mass and hang up the priest's vestments. If you weren't in trouble or one of the little old ladies were there – you could make a mad dash by to school or to home. If you did something wrong or the priest was already deep into his cups – there could be hell to pay.

You'd hope for the quick smack to the back of the head. You could get the slow torture of thumbs against the wall. Place you hands straight in front of you then step back about a foot. Then lean against the wall with just your thumbs while the priest busied himself around the altar and sacristy after mass.

Have a good Holy Thursday



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We understand social distancing

But please continue to brush your teeth, even with Crust!

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Actual sampler that still seems valid

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Perfect word for this week

Thurifer



a person carrying a censer, or thurible, of burning incense during religious ceremonies



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Please come closer to the speaker children

Now, what was the lesson again bunkies - Stay the Fuck At Home

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The ACME Eagle Hand Soap Radio Hour (167)

Thank you for joining us today.

Before our feature presentation, ACME would like to start the evening with another Bugs Bunny Merrie Melodies cartoon, the 1950 Hurdy-Gurdy Hare directed by Robert McKimson.



Gruesome Gorilla from Gorilla My Dreams returns in this cartoon once again as Bugs' antagonist, albeit redesigned slightly and now depicted as an escaped zoo animal.

Before the start of our feature presentation, ACME Eagle Hand Soap would like you to watch the important PSA - Learning Social distancing from the film director Wes Anderson -



Perhaps you can schedule a Wes Anderson 'social distancing' themed marathon, (after watching today's show.)


We hope you are doing well with your self quarantines - the programming department of The ACME Eagle Hand Soap Radio Hour have been liberally washing themselves with ACME Eagle Hand Soap - If your eagle's hands are dirty, we'll wash them clean! and sanitizing themselves for your protection. We are also engaged in social distancing - we are communicating with each other via smoke signals and addis lamps.

We're a little bit sad on the Dr. Caligari homefront. Godzilla has not caught a break lately. Her prom was cancelled. Her Senior trip was cancelled. Her Graduation will probably will be cancelled. Unfortunately one of her hamsters died last night. We were going to post a bunch of funny things about today being the anniversary of the premiere of Ed Wood Jr's other Classic film, Glen or Glenda. So please, find yourself a comfortable seat and enjoy Glen or Glenda -



In March 1981, Paramount placed a full-page page ad in the New York Times announcing the reissue of Glen or Glenda. It was heralded as a lost trail-blazing masterpiece in the tradition of Citizen Kane, Freaks, The Godfather, and Napoleon. A big New York premiere was scheduled for the reissue, but the date, April 1st, made film buffs suspect that the whole thing was an April Fool's Day joke.



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Here's the recipe:

Gin, a hint of vermouth, a few optimistic years that this will be over soon.

And three olives.



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This affects all of you

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Taste the blasphemy in every bite

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