Wednesday, February 27, 2019

Monday, February 25, 2019

Saturday, February 23, 2019

The ACME Eagle Hand Soap Radio Hour (109)

Thank you for joining us today.


Before our feature presentation, ACME would like to start the evening with another Bugs Bunny Looney Tunes cartoon, the 1941 Robert Clampett directed, Wabbit Twouble, (this is one of the rare cartoons where Bugs is the aggressor rather than the victim.):



For this cartoon, Elmer was redesigned as a fat man (based on voice actor Arthur Q. Bryan's own physique) in an attempt to make him funnier. The "fat Elmer" would only make four more appearances -The Wabbit Who Came to Supper, The Wacky Wabbit, Fresh Hare, and Any Bonds Today? - before returning to the slimmer form by which he is better known. This cartoon was the only time, though, that the Fat Elmer also had a red nose.


The ACME Eagle Hand Soap Radio Hour would like to celebrate the anniversary of Norah Jones winning five Grammy Awards for her debut album, Come Away With Me on this date in 1993. He critically acclaimed album has sold over 27 million copies worldwide as of 2016. So why don't we all sit back (quick, find the most comfortable seat on the sofa, stake it out for Oscar viewing tomorrow!) get a snack and a beverage and give listen to this marvelous album



The first few months after the Come Away With Me album was released, it was priced around $8. This encouraged people to buy it and helped market the album through word of mouth, as most people who bought it gave it a good review. This was known as the "slow build" strategy.



Norah Jones performed this on Sesame Street with lyrics lamenting the letter "Y" - "Don't know why Y didn't come." The letter "Y" eventually shows up, everyone gets along and we learn something in the process.



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Wednesday, February 20, 2019

It stands to reason


How do you think Wile E. got his substantial discount at ACME.



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Monday, February 18, 2019

Saturday, February 16, 2019

The ACME Eagle Hand Soap Radio Hour (108)

Once again, ACME would like to wishes all of their friends and family a happy and healthy Lunar New Year!


Gong Hay Fat Choi


Before our feature presentation, ACME would like to start the evening with another Bugs Bunny Looney Tunes cartoon, the 1941 Tex Avery directed, All This and Rabbit Stew, one of the infamous 'Censored Eleven' cartoons (due to its caricature of a blackface African-American hunter) :



One of the "Censored 11" banned from T.V. syndication by United Artists in 1968 (then the owners of the Looney Tunes film library) for alleged racism. Ted Turner continued the ban when he purchased the library and stated that these films will not be re-issued and will not be put on Home Video. These cartoons will probably never air on television again, and only non-Warner Bros. licensed public domain video tapes will probably ever have these cartoons on them. Although Tex Avery directed this cartoon, by the time of its release, he had left the studio and Leon Schlesinger was not his biggest fan. So his credit was removed.


In celebration of the Lunar New Year, today's episode of The ACME Eagle Hand Soap Radio Hour is sponsored by Mars Chocolate Company:



Remember, Dove Chocolate: eat your way through the guilt.


The Lunar New Year celebrations are finally behind us and we're sure you need a break. Here at ACME, we can think of no better way to relax than watch a movie filled with sex, love and madness. The ACME Eagle Hand Soap Radio Hour would like you to join us in watching Wong Kar-wai's visual sumptuous 2004 hit, 2046. Once again, if you can't watch this today, please put it on a list of films you much watch. So push away from the table, get comfortable and enjoy the film



2046 part 2

2046 part 3

The title of the film is supposed to be said as, "Two Oh Four Six." The title of the film refers to the last year before the 50-year period the Chinese Government promised to let Hong Kong remain as it is. Hong Kong was returned to China in 1997.


Continuing our celebration of the Lunar New Year, the second feature on The ACME Eagle Hand Soap Radio Hour is sponsored by Watsons Personal Care Stores:



Remember, Hey, shop at Watsons! People don't break out into a musical number after shopping at Walgreen's - do they?


Welcome back my friends. Our next feature is the 2016 Chinese documentary film, A Bite of China: Celebrating the Chinese New Year. So hopefully you took your bathroom break during our brief intermission. So sit back, relax and enjoy the ACME Eagle Hand Soap Radio Hour's second feature today



I bet after watching that your a little hungry. There's probably something in the kitchen.



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Thursday, February 14, 2019

There is only one happiness in this life, to love and be loved.

A heart is not judged by how much you love, but by how much you are loved by others.

While you're opening your Valentine Day Cards and eating your special candy, opine upon this -

When Rome was first founded, wild and bloodthirsty wolves roamed the woods around the city. They often attacked and mauled and even devoured Roman citizens—which, incidentally, is why the city took more than a day to build.

With characteristic ingenuity, the Romans begged the god Lupercus to keep the wolves away. Lupercus was the god of the wolves, so he was expected to have some influence on their behavior.

He didn't.

Wolves kept attacking and Romans kept dying.

This led the Romans to the obvious conclusion that Lupercus was either angry or away on business. It was a serious problem either way. Now, to this point in their history, the Romans had addressed all of their problems with one of two solutions: the first was to pray to their gods. Okay, they'd tried that. It didn't always work.

The second solution was to get drunk out of their minds and have an orgy.



So, in an effort to get their slacker god's attention, they had a huge party in his honor. They called it Lupercalia. It was an early April holiday celebrated on February 15 because, in spite of their classical educations, the Romans were as bad at reckoning months as they were at building roads—it was impossible to leave the city, for example, because all their roads led right back to Rome.

Because it was a spring holiday, and because Lupercus either didn't know or didn't care how many Romans were devoured by wolves, and because the Romans weren't wearing anything under their togas, Lupercalia gradually became a kind of swingers' holiday.

On Lupercalia Eve, Roman girls would write their names on slips of paper that were placed into a big jar. The next day, every eligible young man in Rome withdrew a slip of paper from the jar, and the girl whose name he had withdrawn became his lover for the year. Also on the eve of the Roman feast, naked youths would run through Rome, anointed with the blood of sacrificed dogs and goats, waving thongs cut from the goats. If a young woman was struck by the thong, fertility was assured. Much grab-ass ensued.

Naked and gore drenched, Marc Anthony, after a crazed run through the Roman Forum on the feast of Lupercalia, offered Julius Caesar the imperial crown of Rome. Caesar demurred and told Marc Anthony to go home, take a shower and get dressed.

As an interesting aside, they would often sew their lovers' names on their sleeves, from which we get the expression, who the hell taught you how to sew? Also, this must have been one hell of a party.

Romans were still attacked and killed by wolves, but no one really gave a damn now that they were all getting laid.

The festival endured.

Hundreds of years went by.

In the early years of Christianity, the Roman Emperor Claudius II was having problems with his army. Many of his soldiers were married men, and they couldn't be convinced that marching off to god forsaken barbarian backwaters to kill disgusting savages was more important than staying home and having sex with their wives.

Claudius ordered his soldiers not to get married. To be absolutely safe, he ordered priests not to marry soldiers. Not many soldiers wanted to marry priests, so this wasn't a big problem (some of the soldiers would have been happy to marry other soldier but that's another story.)

Now, there was one old priest who thought the emperor's policy was unfair. It wasn't so much that he wanted to marry any soldiers—he enjoyed playing the field—but he felt that he ought to be able to perform the holy rite of matrimony for soldiers who wanted to marry women (and be tipped accordingly - remember this is the Catholic Church - nothing happened unless you remember to tip your priest.) He began conducting secret Christian marriages.

The old priest was quickly arrested and imprisoned. On Lupercalia Eve of 270 AD - that's February 14, remember - he was decapitated.

That priest's name was, of course, Marius.

Arrested, imprisoned, and beheaded right alongside him, however, was another priest who'd been performing secret marriages—a handsome young priest named Valentine.

We don't know much about ole Valentine, but there are a lot of apocryphal stories. There's one about how, while he was in prison, Valentine fell in love with the blind daughter of his jailer and eventually taught her to see. There's another one about Claudius being so moved by Valentine's eloquent defense speech that he offered to call off the execution if the priest would abandon Christianity. But there's also a story about an old lady putting her dog in the microwave ... and you don't see me going off on that tangent. As time went on, people forgot about old Marius, who hadn't been very photogenic. People remembered the handsome Valentine, and eventually he was canonized.

There was a new saint in town - St. Valentine.



And, like most saints, he'd been dead for years. But for all the fuss over what he did while he was alive, he has been absolutely spectacular in death.

His relics are on display today at St Francis's Church in Glasgow, Scotland. They can also be seen at the Whitefriar Street Church in Dublin, Ireland. They're also at the Church of Saint Praxedes in Rome and the Collegiate church of Saint Jean-Baptiste and Saint Jean l'Evangéliste in Roquemaure, France, as well as eight other churches, two cathedrals, and all over Ebay. The Raelians could learn a thing or two from this dead saint.

If you do the math and were to gather all of St. Valentine's remains from all these churches, you'd have enough raw material for three new bishops, two deacons, and a linebacker. Giving eyesight to the blind is impressive, but as saints go it's the equivalent of a card trick. Multiplying your remains after you're dead, though. . . there's a miracle.

But, as the Spartan say, let us return to our sheep.



(And let's not ask what they intend to do with their sheep.)

One day the Christian Church took control of the calendar, which the Romans had reduced to one long series of overlapping holidays. The Christians moved Lupercalia back a day and renamed it St. Valentine's Day. No one objected to this change, since Lupercus still hadn't saved a single freaking soul from the wolves and the Romans still weren't wearing anything under their tunics.

And so St. Valentine's Day came to be celebrated as a harbinger of spring, a glorious tribute to the romantic splendor of Christian marriage, and a time for some good old-fashioned pagan fornication.

More centuries passed.

Christianity became more widespread, the calendar was finally perfected, and the holiday evolved into what it is today: a glorious midwinter celebration of passion, romance, and toe-curling sex. In some countries it's also celebrated by married couples.

(It should be noted that St. Valentine was removed from the Christian Calendar in 1969 because the church could not abide one of its sacred holidays being so flagrantly commercialized.)



Valentine's Day Cards

Let's go back for a moment to another apocryphal story about Marius' good friend Valentine.

On the day he was finally led to his execution, the jailer's daughter - the blind girl he'd taught to see--couldn't bear to say goodbye. Valentine understood, naturally—he had the patience of a saint—so he said goodbye in a letter. He signed it, "From your Valentine."

"The phrase," one source informs us, "has been used on his day ever since."

But that's not true. I should have known it wasn't true, since the source happened to be the guy sitting next to me in a bar where I did all my research.

The first true Valentine Card - and by that I mean the first such card signed by anyone whose name wasn't actually Valentine - was sent in 1415 by Charles, the Duke of Orleans, to his wife.

The Duke had been captured at the battle of Agincourt and was locked up in the Tower of London, and probably wasn't trying to be romantic so much as clever. Signing a love-letter "Your Valentine" didn't mean "your adoring spouse" or "your loving boo-boo." It meant, "your husband, still in jail, probably about to have his head chopped off."

Two-hundred-and-fifty years later, Samuel Pepys, who was probably familiar with the whole Duke of Orleans thing, wrote romantic poems to his wife on Valentine's Day and signed them "Your Valentine." Since he was neither in jail nor about to have his head chopped off, this was probably the first real Valentine.



Today, of course, billions of Valentines are exchanged each year, many of them from people not in jail or facing decapitation. Also by the time you finish reading this, more than 3/4 of a millions sex act will have occurred worldwide (ever minute humans engage in 83,333 sex acts) many of them illegal in Michigan.



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Monday, February 11, 2019

Boffola




a joke that gets a loud or hearty laugh.



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Saturday, February 9, 2019

The ACME Eagle Hand Soap Radio Hour (107)

ACME would like to wishes all of their friends and family a happy and healthy New Year!

Xin Nian Hao


Before our feature presentation, ACME would like to start the evening with another Bugs Bunny Looney Tunes cartoon, the 1941 Tex Avery directed, The Heckling Hare , (This cartoon is the first Merrie Melodies cartoon that starts with Bugs Bunny lying on top of it of the Warner Bros. flying aegis.):



Originally, the ending scene had Bugs and Willoughby fall off three cliffs. After the second tumble, Bugs then told the audience, "Hold on to your hats, folks. Here we go again!" during the third trip down. For reasons unknown, Leon Schlesinger interfered with the production of this scene. the most popular story is that the "Hold on to your hats" line referred to a sexual euphemism that was then in circulation. Another possible story was that Schlesinger objected to the end because he didn't like the idea that Avery possibly killed off Bugs Bunny, since the cartoon ended with Bugs and Willoughby falling off a cliff. This cartoon is notable to have the longest falling sequence in the history of cinema.


In celebration of the Lunar New Year, today's episode of The ACME Eagle Hand Soap Radio Hour is sponsored by Petronas Energy Company:



Remember, Petronas: make sure to reach for the ACME tissues while watching.


The Lunar New Year, among other things, is about spending time with your loved one, The ACME Eagle Hand Soap Radio Hour can think of no better way to spend time with them than watching the 2008 semi-biographical film about the martial art grandmaster Wing Chun (teacher of Bruce Lee,) Ip Man. So slam down you last mahjong tile, get comfortable and enjoy the film



As mentioned in the film, Ip Man's fighting style is Wing Chun. It is said to be created by two women, Ng Mui and Yim Wing Chun. According to legend, a warlord wanted to marry Yim Wing Chun, but she refused and instead challenged him to a duel. She came across Ng Mui, a Buddhist nun whom she asked for help. Together they created the art of Wing Chun, which the nun named after Yim Wing Chun. Wing Chun won the fight.


Continuing our celebration of the Lunar New Year, the second feature in The ACME Eagle Hand Soap Radio Hour is sponsored by Maxis telecom service and their new Dooit Live trivia game app:



Remember, Dooit Live: don't let family strife break up your family.


Welcome back my friends. Our next feature is the 1998 Jackie Chan film, Who Am I. So hopefully you took your bathroom break during our brief intermission. So sit back, relax and enjoy the ACME Eagle Hand Soap Radio Hour's second feature today



Michelle Ferre never considered acting, but on the set of this movie, when she tried to interview Jackie Chan, he was struck by her, and asked her to audition for the movie, which she did, and landed a co-starring role.



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Thursday, February 7, 2019

Running late today


Hopefully, your day is going a little bit better




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Wednesday, February 6, 2019

Easy Butter Former


If you find it too difficult to butter your bread

Just kill yourself.



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Monday, February 4, 2019

Blatherskite


Someone who speaks at great length without saying anything important.





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Sunday, February 3, 2019

Saturday, February 2, 2019

The ACME Eagle Hand Soap Radio Hour (106)

Thank you for joining us today

Before our feature presentation, ACME would like to start the evening with another Bugs Bunny Looney Tunes cartoon, the 1941 Friz Freleng directed, Hiawatha's Rabbit Hunt, (This cartoon is the first Bugs Bunny cartoon directed by Friz Freleng.):


The cartoon itself was nominated for an Oscar for best Animated Short Film, however, it didn't win.


It's been unusually cold out there and even the good old doctor has taken pity on the staff. So tonight we're going to sit around a watch a good old fashion double feature. Here at the ACME Eagle Hand Soap Radio Hour, we spare no expense; we acquire two of the finest films for our viewing pleasure today - The Brain from Planet Arous and Fiend Without a Face. Run into the kitchen, grab a bag of your favorite chips and a beverage (alcoholic or not - your choice,) and come back to catch the first feature.



Director Nathan Juran insisted on being billed as "Nathan Hertz" (Hertz was Juran's middle name), apparently because he was embarrassed by this film's low budget and poor quality.



Welcome back my friends. Our next feature is an independent film, produced in England in the late 1950s, Fiend Without a Face. So hopefully you took your bathroom break during our brief intermission. So sit back, relax and enjoy the ACME Eagle Hand Soap Radio Hour's second feature today



In an interview, star Marshall Thompson recalled that director Arthur Crabtree didn't really want to direct the film--he thought sci-fi was "beneath" him--and often didn't show up for work. Eventually, according to Thompson, Crabtree walked off the picture, and Thompson himself finished directing it.



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