Omphalophobia -

an irrational fear of the navel





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Remember to donate blood during the summer

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The ACME Eagle Hand Soap Radio Hour (26)

Another page from the ACME Catalog -

Before our feature presentation, ACME would like to start the program with the 1957 Looney Tunes pairing of Daffy Duck and Porky Pig, Boston Quackie directed by Robert McKimson. (I must apologize beforehand, the only version I could find is in French):



The title and cartoon itself are a parody of a 1950s crime serial called Boston Blackie.


It's summer and The ACME Eagle Hand Soap Radio Hour is proud to present a 1981 concert of the group The Go-Go's, TOTALLY GO-GO'S



Experience the Go-Go's at their peak playing at a California high school - it really doesn't matter what they say.



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Never leave home without it

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I guess this explains things

Armadillos are the only other animals besides humans to host the leprosy bacillus.

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Hmmm, I did not know this.

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Let's hear from a young man standing out in a field

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Hylophobia -

an irrational fear of trees





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There's Nothing Ice Cream Can't Solve!

July 23, 1904 -
At the turn of the last century, ice-cream men were a breed apart. It was hard work making ice-cream and the rewards were few. "You don't choose ice cream," they said, "ice cream chooses you."

Well, Charles E. Menches was an ice-cream man. They say it ran in his veins. (They say forget the autopsy: they say you don't need actual ice-cream in your blood to have it in your veins.)

Charles E. Menches had always known he'd be an ice-cream man. Everyone had known. While other boys in St. Louis played stickball or jacks, little Chuckie experimented with different creams and salts. While other boys dreamed of being doctors or lawyers, little Chuckie dreamed of exotic flavor combinations like cinnamon-onion swirl and artichoke-pistachio.

Charles E. Menches' passion for ice cream was infectious. He made his brother Frank an ice-cream man. They began traveling to fairs and special events across the Midwest to sell ice cream from a tent. (Apparently, they also had a thing for hamburgers - the brothers also lay claim to having introduced the hamburger to the American public. But that's another story...)

They did what all ice-cream men did: they scooped their ice cream into bowls and sold it to their customers. People loved ice cream back then, just as they love it today. And why not? It was ice cream.

One sweltering day at the St. Louis World's Fair - July 23, 1904, to be precise--Charles E. Menches and his brother Frank sold so much ice cream that they ran out of dishes.

An ordinary ice-cream man might have folded up his tent and taken the rest of the day off. But not Charles E. Menches. Charles E. Menches knew the code of the ice-cream man. More than that, he lived it.

The people of St. Louis would not be denied their ice cream. Not if Charles E. Menches had anything to say about it.

The tent beside Charles and Frank's ice cream tent belonged to Ernest A. Hamwi, a Syrian pastry-maker who sold sweet wafer pastries called Zalabia. (Ernest A. Hamwi was what Syrians would call a Zalabia man, but they wouldn't say he had Zalabia in his veins. Syrians would never talk such tripe.)

In a moment of brilliant epiphany, Charles E. Menches bought all of Ernest A. Hamwi's Zalabia and rolled them into cones. He then began selling his ice cream in sweet wafer cones instead of dishes.

The ice cream cone was born.



(Sure, Italo Marchiony had received U.S. patent #746971 for the ice-cream cone seven months earlier in New York, but Italo Marchiony had never been an ice-cream man.)

The ACME Eagle Hand Soap Radio Hour (25)

Another page from the ACME Catalog -

Before our feature presentation, ACME would like to start the program with the 1960 Foghorn Leghorn Looney Tunes cartoon, The Dixie Fryer:



The cartoon is the second to feature the chicken hawks, Pappy and Elvis.


Former Pink Floyd member Roger Waters was constantly asked in 1989 about the possibility of restaging his massive hit, The Wall.  Waters finally joked that he’d only do so on one condition. “If they ever take the wall down in Berlin,” he said. “I’ll put it on there as an act of celebration of that bit of freeing of the human spirit.”  In November of 1989, it happened. And Waters kept his word, staging an expansive, all-star production at Potsdamer Platz in East Berlin on July 21, 1990.

Today we are watching the broadcast of the production of The Wall that evening in Germany, featuring Sinead O'Connor, Bryan Adams, Phil Collins, Cyndi Lauper (and Roger Waters) among others, taking part in the benefit show.



Given that less than a year after the fall of the Berlin Wall, the chants of “Tear down the wall!” at the end of “The Trial” seem to have been prescient.



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A toast to her majesty this evening

I think that I will take two small bottles of Dubonnet and gin with me this morning, in case it is needed

Elizabeth Angela Marguerite Bowes-Lyon had a taste for the grain and the grape. Every day her entire adult life, she would start drinking cocktails around noon, then have some wine with lunch, followed by port for dessert. Then around 6 p.m.  -  the “Magic Hour,” as she called it—she’d have a gin martini and a couple glasses of Veuve-Clicquot Brut Rose at dinner.

She died young at the age of 101



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Whoa, that's not a peanut!

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Wishes can make it so

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New from ACME publications

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Coulrophobia –

an irrational fear of clowns





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Sage words indeed

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The ACME Eagle Hand Soap Radio Hour (24) Special Edition

Another page from the ACME Catalog -

Before our feature presentation, ACME would like to start the evening with the 1962 Ralph Wolf and Sam Sheepdog Looney Tunes cartoon, A Sheep In The Deep:



This is last cartoon featuring Sam Sheepdog and Ralph Wolf (the pairs sixth outing) to be directed by Chuck Jones.


Since I went with the Proust Questionnaire on my birthday, I figured I'd play my Desert Island Disc choices during today's ACME Eagle Hand Soap Radio Hour. But in order to avoid copyright issues with the BBC, ACME would like to team up with Toho Studios and rename the program Godzilla's Atoll LPs.

(In case you've never heard of the BBC show Desert Island Disc - people are asked what music they would bring with them if they were stranded on an island for an indefinite period of time.

Here are the rules:

1.) You make choose 8 pieces of music and tell me why you chose them.
2.) You then get to choose one book to take with you (you automatically get to take the Complete Works of Shakespeare and either the Bible or another appropriate religious or philosophical work.)
3.) You get to choose one luxury, which must be inanimate and of no use in escaping the island or allowing communication from outside. (You can cheat here - since you can listen to music, there is some form of electric, so you may have refrigeration for your luxury item.)


There is nothing profound or deep in my Godzilla's Atoll LP choices - they're just songs that I like (in no particular order)


Heroes - David Bowie



I'm going to start with the toughest. Choosing you favorite Bowie cut is like choosing you favorite kid. After I boiled it down for the purposes of Desert Island Discs, I mean Godzilla's Atoll LPs, again ACME doesn't want a problem with the BBC, I had two possible picks. I could go with either Heroes or Life on Mars. After much soul searching, I went with Heroes because I could imagine it playing over the credits of an imaginary film.

The Chain - Fleetwood Mac



I so clearly remember when Rumours came out, back when the earth cooled and formed a hard crust. I've mentioned before, that my sister and I wore the needle on the record player out playing the album. Currently, my daughter loves Fleetwood Mac and loves this cut. Listening to The Chain remind me of the my memories of me being a teenager and my daughter being a teenager.


Wild is the Wind - Nina Simone



This is another sneaking twofer - this is a fanatic song performed by a phenomenal artist. Listening to this would remind me of David Bowie's very good version of the song. Listening to this song will wipe away any drab thought I might have while on the island; the music will carry you away.


Tom Waits - Telephone Call From Istanbul



Why wouldn't you want to listen to Tom Waits? I don't think I trust anyone who doesn't like Tom Waits.


The Nearness of You - Annie Lennox



Annie Lennox is another tough call. I'm going to go with a cut from her 2014 album Nostalgia. It's a very good dry martini of a song.


Haitian Divorce - Steely Dan



Ah, the ever present Steely Dan cut. I probably wouldn't need a Steely Dan song; I could call them up at will in my mind. But this is the perfect song to have with you while stuck on a desert island.


How Insensitive - Frank Sinatra



I can't have every Sinatra song, so I picked one of the Bossa Nova hits; why wouldn't you listen to a Bossa Nova Sinatra song while you're on a desert island.


Mohammed's Radio - Warren Zevon



I had to have a Warren Zevon and I figured I go with one of the 'cheerful' ones. Also it's about being on an island (although not a particularly good vacation.)


Beyond Belief - Elvis Costello



Even on a desert island, you need songs about almost empty gin palaces - Imperial Bedroom comes through


The book I'd take with me would be Magic Mountain by Thomas Mann (hard cover)

Perhaps I can finally understand whether or not the entire novel is just a long fever dream before Castrop's death on the battlefield or did he really spend seven years at the sanatorium. As always, the luxury item would be a refrigerator full of Bombay Sapphire (and maybe, tub of kalamata olivies.)

So that's eight songs (and that's all you're allowed.) This year I feel content with my choices. I'll try to get marooned again next year for my birthday, and see how I do.



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Reginerate

The use of a juniper based spirit to rejuvenate and restore the body. More frequently encountered on the weekends.

It's always an odd number of olives in a drink; one is fine, three is traditional (five is overkill.) Even number of olives is a sign of bad luck and in an old time bars, two olives is usually a signal from the bartender that someone is there in the bar to get you.

The three olives are supposed to represent a trinity of peace, love, and harmony.

So now you know.



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Let's not talk about his party

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The only paradise is paradise lost.

The Proust Questionnaire has its origins in a parlor game popularized (though not devised) by Marcel Proust, the French essayist and novelist, who believed that, in answering these questions, an individual reveals his or her true nature. Here is the basic Proust Questionnaire as answered by yours truly, the good doctor..

1.) What is your idea of perfect happiness?

A cocktail party with my friends

2.) What is your greatest fear?

One of the girls getting seriously injured.

3.) What is the trait you most deplore in yourself?

Impatience with others.

4.) What is the trait you most deplore in others?

Intentional lateness.

5.) Which living person do you most admire?

Jimmy Carter

6.) What is your greatest extravagance?

Finding the time to write

7.) What is your current state of mind?
Mild Elation with a hint of creeping dread

8.) What do you consider the most overrated virtue?

Religious Piety

9.) On what occasion do you lie?

To protect the feeling of others

10.) What do you most dislike about your appearance?

My expanding waistline.

11.) Which living person do you most despise?
The current Majority Leader of the Senate

12.) What is the quality you most like in a man?

Loyalty

13) What is the quality you most like in a woman?

Ability to laugh spontaneously at my lame jokes

14.) Which words or phrases do you most overuse?
Like

15.) What or who is the greatest love of your life?

Besides my children, Mrs Mao (she knows who she is.)

16.) When and where were you happiest?

See the answer to question #1

17.) Which talent would you most like to have?

Dance like Fred Astaire.

18.) If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?

To get back the metabolism I had as a  younger man.

19.) What do you consider your greatest achievement?

Not to have completely messed up my children (a work in progress.)

20.) If you were to die and come back as a person or a thing, what would it be?

As a family dog.

21.) Where would you most like to live?

When I currently live: New York City

22.) What is your most treasured possession?

The love of my friends and family

23.) What do you regard as the lowest depth of misery?
The inevitable loss of friends and family

24.)What is your favorite occupation?
Film archivist.

25.) What is your most marked characteristic?
Middling sense of humor

26.) What do you most value in your friends?

Empathy

27.) Who are your favorite writers?

Fitzgerald, Proust and Virginia Woolf
28.) Who is your hero of fiction?

Hercules Poirot

29.) Which historical figure do you most identify with?

Adlai Stevenson II

30.) Who are your heroes in real life?

MLK, Julia Child, Groucho and Dorothy Day

31.) What are your favorite names?

My own

32.) What is it that you most dislike?

Mean people suck.

33.) What is your greatest regret?

I will never see the director's cut of The Magnificent Ambersons

34.) How would you like to die?

Old, in my sleep and in no pain

35.) What is your motto?

We make plans and God laughs.

Mom always liked me better

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Somniphobia -

an irrational fear of falling asleep





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Thinking about our next vacation

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The ACME Eagle Hand Soap Radio Hour (23)

Another page from the ACME Catalog -

Before our feature presentation, ACME would like to start the evening with the 1959 Looney Tunes cartoon, Wild About Hurry:



look for director Chuck Jones' credit displayed upon a rocket that the coyote plans to ride.


Today on the ACME Eagle Hand Soap Radio Hour, we are remembering a rather unpleasant event in the life of the fantastic performer Baroness von Sacher-Masoch. On this date in 1969, Marianne Faithfull collapsed due to a barbiturate overdose on the set of the film Ned Kelly after Mick Jagger told her their relationship was over. She was rushed to a Sydney hospital in a coma where she recovered. She was later dropped from the movie.



We are honoring Faithfull today by watching a 2009 BBC Four Session special featuring Marianne Faithfull.



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Con los ricos y poderosos,

siempre un poco de paciencia

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From the desk of C. Brown (via Baudelaire.)

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Youth wants to know

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Liberty now has a country

Happy Sedition against Our Former Sovereign nation



If only for one day a year, it's important to remember that the British weren't always the friendly sort of people who gave us the Beatles, the Rolling Stones and Monty Python. They're also responsible for warm beer, vinegar-flavored potato chips, and irritating Anglophiliacs on our own shores schedule as shed-yule and issue as iss-yew. On July 4 of every year, therefore, we celebrate our forefathers having told them to screw.

We not only celebrate the purging of the British blight from our land: we celebrate the manner in which it was done, which was at once brilliant, daring, and easily adapted to the screen. The events that led to our independence are all the more worthy of remembrance, even inaccurately, at this crucial juncture in our history, and I therefore offer the following summary of American independence for the edification of my friends.



In 1774, representatives from each of the thirteen colonies convened in Philadelphia to complain. This was The First Continental Congress. Upon registering their various complaints, they returned home.

One of the colonists' primary complaints was that British cabbies working in the colonies refused to unionize. This was called "Taxis without Representation," and became the issue that ultimately pushed the simmering discontent of the colonies into outright hostility. Sensing the volatility of the situation, British troops advanced toward Concord in April of 1775, forcing Paul Revere to ride his horse (and not to ring bells and warn the British not to take our guns but we won't bring up Mrs. Palin on this holiday.)

The first shot that rang out at the battle of Concord was so loud that its sound reverberated all the way around the world. As a result, the British heard it behind them instead of in front of them. This caused the fog of war. Neither the British nor the Colonists were prepared for fog, so the War was postponed.

In May, representatives once again convened in Philadelphia to complain about the taxis, the fog, and other grievances. This was the Second Continental Congress. Unlike the previous Congress, however, this one tried to work out a deal with Britain's King George. This was difficult, as King George was insane and regularly confused the colonies for colostomies, causing considerable embarrassment to everyone involved but accruing great profit to Britain's flourishing proctology trade.

In June the Colonists developed a Continental Army and a Continental Currency, operating on the assumption that an insane king would be easier to deal with if they had a lot of money and guns. This assumption proved partly correct, as the Brits appeared to ease hostilities for nearly a year. It also proved partly wrong when, in May 1776, the Americans discovered that the King had been hiring German mercenaries to come kill them.

In June of 1776 the Colonists finally decided that instead of working something out with the British it would be easier and more satisfactory to shoot them.

On June 7, Richard Henry Lee of Virginia read a resolution to the Continental Congress. The essence of his resolution was that King George and Great Britain could kiss his hairy American ass. The Congress appreciated Lee's sentiments, and subsequently formed a committee to write a note to King George in which it would be made plain why it had become necessary to start shooting the British.



The committee was chaired by Thomas Jefferson. Its four other members were John Adams and Benjamin Franklin (each of whom was counted twice for the sake of Stature - ok, ok, Roger Sherman and Robert Livingston were also on the committee.)

The Declaration of Independence wasn't a very long document, but little Tommy Jefferson was trying so hard to impress all the older guys that he overwrote it, using an archaic style of English that is best understood in translation.

Here is a translation of the Declaration in its entirety:

"It's a good idea to let people know why you're having a revolution. We think it's pretty obvious that any government that screws its people over is cruising for a bruising. We're not saying anyone with a hair up their butt ought to have their own revolution, but we've put up with an awful lot of crap from King George. He won't let us do anything on our own, and whenever we try, he sends people to kill us. We've asked him over and over to back off. We've told him over and over that we'd only put up with so much. But did he listen? No. So to hell with him and to hell with Britain and all their phony goddam accents. We'll kick their ass or die trying."

These were, what political scientists refer to as "fightin' words."



On July 4, 1776, the Declaration was presented to the Congress. Nine of the thirteen colonies voted to adopt it. Pennsylvania and South Carolina voted against it (we know where you live). Delaware couldn't make up its mind, and New York abstained. Copies of the Declaration were distributed the next day (photocopiers were much slower back then). On July 8 it was read aloud in Philadelphia's Independence Square.

The document wasn't fully signed until August, but as soon as it was, Americans began shooting the British in earnest. By February of 1783 they had shot enough of them that Spain, Sweden, Denmark and Russia officially acknowledged the United States of America as an independent nation.



In honor of our Independence, we celebrate the anniversary of its declaration by blowing things up, roasting dead animals over hot coals or gaseous flames, and drinking cold, sudsy beverages that inhibit our ability to think. Such festivities may not honor the philosophical nuances of our revolution, but they do keep the rest of the world at a comfortable distance.



Happy Fourth of July folks!!!



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Turophobia -

an irrational fear of fear of cheese





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You don't have to mention it.

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The ACME Eagle Hand Soap Radio Hour (22)

Today, the ACME Eagle Hand Soap Radio Hour would like to salute our friends in Canada on Canada Day.

Canada is the second-largest nation in the world. It is not part of the United States - (it's the U.S.' nicer sister, not dissing Mexico, the U.S.' feistier sister.)

A little jewel sitting at the top of the continent.

In the 150 years of their nationhood, Canadians have given the world paint rollers, snowmobiles, electric organs, green ink, toboggans, snow blowers, plexiglass, and the push-up bra.



Canada has about the same population as California, but fewer Scientologists.

Canadians consume more Kraft Macaroni & Cheese dinners than any other nation in the world.

Today is the 37th anniversary of the Canadian national anthem, 'Like America, But Colder.'





Canada's leading export to the United States is Canadians. Dan Aykroyd, who happens to have been born exactly 65 years ago today, is one.



Pamela Anderson is another, and was also born today, although she's younger (most of her is north of 40, but some parts are significantly younger).

Other Canadian exports: Bryan Adams, Paul Anka, Alexander Graham Bell, Raymond Burr (of nipple rouge fame), John Candy, Jim Carrey, Celine Dion, Michael J. Fox, John Kenneth Galbraith, Lorne Greene, Peter Jennings, kd lang, Marshall McLuhan, Joni Mitchell (hopefully she's doing well), Alice Munro, Mike Myers,



Oscar Peterson, William Shatner, Alex Trebek, Shania Twain, Neil Young and of course everyone's favorite Canadian Zen Buddhist, Leonard Cohen.



(... there is a crack, a crack in everything - that's how the light gets in.)

(don't go away The ACME Eagle Hand Soap Radio Hour is coming up.)

Another page from the ACME Catalog -

Before our feature presentation, ACME would like to start the evening with the 1953 Looney Tunes cartoon, Punch Trunk:



The ship in the cartoon is named after writer Michael Maltese.


Today on the ACME Eagle Hand Soap Radio Hour, we are celebrating Canada Day today by watching one of Canada's favorite bands, Barenaked Ladies. Today we are listening to a 2001 live broadcast from NYC Roseland Ballroom:



So sit back, crack open a Labatt (although, as odd as it seems, most Canadians like Bud?) and toast our neighbors from the North.