A well-made salad must have a certain uniformity; it should make perfect sense for those ingredients to share a bowl.
You may not have known it, but in the United States, May is National Salad Month. By an astonishing coincidence, the
second full week of May is National Herb Week. It's a time to celebrate the verdure of the earth with verdure on a plate.
Or in a bowl—salad is just that versatile!
Salad has a long and noble history. The word itself comes from the Latin herba salta, which sounds like urban assault but
actually means salted herbs. They called their salads salted herbs because that's what they were: bits of leafy herbs dressed
with salty oils.
The Romans weren't the first people to enjoy salad. Though it's hard to imagine, people were eating herbs and vegetables
long before the invention of salad forks. Many of our evolutionary forebears ate leaves and veggies right off the plants,
vines, and trees on which they grew. In fact, scientists believe our ancient grazing tendencies may explain the popularity of
salad bars and our willingness to overlook the inadequacy of most sneeze guards.
The salad was not perfected, however, until the develop of Bac-O Bits®, a genetically altered bacon substitute whose
artificial bacon flavor and resistance to radiation have made it a staple of American salads, to say nothing of its cult
popularity as driveway gravel.
According to the Association for Dressings and Sauces, the altruistic sponsors of National Salad Month, salad dressings
and sauces have a history as rich and varied as salad itself. The Chinese have been using soy sauce for over five thousand
years, the Babylonians used oil and vinegar, and Worcestershire was popular in Caesar's day. (Ironically, however, the
Caesar salad was not invented by Julius Caesar. It wasn't even invented by Sid Caesar. It was invented by Caesar
Cardini, a Mexican restauranteur, in 1924.)
The Egyptians favored oil and vinegar mixed with Oriental spices. Mayonnaise was invented by the Duke de Richelieu in 1756 after defeating the British at Port Mahon on Majorca (hence "Mahonnaise," later corrected to mayonnaise). The Duke was best known not for his military victories, however, but his all-nude dinner parties. I'm not going to speculate as to how a bunch of naked people got the idea of covering their salads in a creamy sauce.
In 1896, Joe Marzetti of Columbus, Ohio, opened a restaurant and served his customers a variety of dressings developed
from old country recipes. His restaurant might have done better if he had served them actual meals, but his dressings
became so popular that he started to bottle and sell them.
It was the birth of a market niche.
Half a century later, in 1950, Americans bought 6.3 million gallons of salad dressing. In 1997, they bought more than 60
million gallons. (This information is indisputable, because it appears on the Association of Dressings and Sauces' website.)
Since the United States had a population of about 260 million in 1997, it looks like the average American buys about 4.3
gallons of salad dressing each year. That's enough to drip a tablespoon per mile from New York to Chicago. I myself don't
buy salad dressing, which means that some poor bastard has to buy 8.6 gallons each year to make up the difference. But it
all comes out in the wash: I'm probably drinking his gin.
It's informative to note, however, that the Association of Dressings and Sauces measures salad dressing sold, not
consumed. We've all seen salad dressing in the final stages of decomposition, the once creamy sauce crusting around the
edges and congealing in the bottom of the bottle. Added up nationwide, that's got to be a few million gallons a year.
Demand Euphoria!
Before you go - a word from our sponsor -
ACME products all work, as long as you use them correctly.
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