At least they don't carry Mad Cow Disease

Once again, New York City has lucked out and has not been plagued, as it has been in the past, with a large number of West Nile Virus cases this summer. Unfortunately, soon the US may be inundated with Zika.  The Zika virus (spread by the infected Aedes species mosquito, the cockroach of the mosquitos, the same mosquito that spreads both the dengue and chikungunya viruses,) is a mosquito-borne illness that can cause fever, rash, joint pain or conjunctivitis (red eyes) but usuualy there are little to no symptoms. Unfortunately the virus is spreading rapidly throughout the Caribbean and is thought to be heading towards the US. (There have been more cases of Zika that Mad Cow Disease in the US this year.)




 ACME takes some pride in this and once again we would like to publish this importance health update:



Mosquitoes can not cause spread the Ebola but do carry the Zika virii. Zika infection during pregnancy can cause a birth defect of the brain called Microcephaly and other severe fetal brain defects. Other problems have been detected among fetuses and infants infected with Zika virus before birth, such as defects of the eye, hearing deficits, and impaired growth. There have also been increased reports of Guillain-Barré syndrome, an uncommon sickness of the nervous system, in areas affected by Zika. Contrary to the examples of Microcephaly you see in the newspaper every day — such as Schlitzie and Zippy the Pinhead - microcephaly is a severe condition whose victims would be less likely to wear yellow pajamas with large buttons or performing unwillingly in the circus than to have seizures and hearing loss.



Zika virus is easy to avoid: like most viruses, it's very small, very slow, and not especially bright. Unfortunately, it's often carried by mosquitoes that are bigger, faster, and fiendishly clever.

It's not always easy to discern whether or not a given mosquito is carrying the Zika virus, so the prudent move is to avoid all mosquitoes.



This may be unfair to innocent mosquitoes who mean you no harm--the so-called "moderate" mosquitoes - but political niceties must be subordinated to threats to your survival.



It's important to remember that mosquitoes are masters of disguise. With a little makeup or a fancy hat, any mosquito can take on the appearance of several other species. They cannot, however, conceal their stingers.

Avoid all insects with stingers. If you encounter one that claims its stinger is merely a golf-club wedged into its rectum, do not believe it: insects don't golf.



Do not open your doors or windows to strangers before ascertaining whether or not they're mosquitoes. If they acknowledge being mosquitoes but deny carrying the Zika virus, do not trust them. Some mosquitoes may even offer to show you a doctor's certificate, but such evidence is meaningless: they may have picked up Zika virus in the time elapsed since their doctor tested them.

Be wary of delivery men, plumbers, electricians, and cable guys with stingers trailing from their jumpsuits.



And so it goes.