The Fifth Annual Christmas Spectacular

The holidays are upon us and we here at Dr. Caligari's love to celebrate like it nobody's business. So over the next several weeks check back here to see what we're listening to or thinking about - Today's kick-off - really bad Christmas music (we'll have a few versions of this entry.)

You've spent this past weekend shopping at the Department Stores; you're in a grouchy mood. Here's some music to extend the feeling.

Christmas Carols with that unpleasant feeling:

Back Door Santa -
Bon Jovi is usually not my cup of tea. But this Christmas classic made me reconsider, just listen to the song -



It's exactly what you think it's about and nothing says Christmas like a song about the joys of sodomy during the holidays, sung by Jersey's other native son.


Merry Christmas with Love -
I will try very hard to keep this promise



I will only play anything associated with Clay Aikens one other time this holiday. The people from the Geneva Convention have already called. As a matter of fact, I suggest you put your head phone on and listen to NIN Closer several times until the feeling goes away.



Baby, It's Cold Outside -
It's not really a holiday song but it always seems to show up this time of year.



This song seems to be a cautionary lesson for young women everywhere; never leave home without you hat, gloves and a can of pepper spray when you stop off at Dean Martin's house during inclement weather.


Christmas Shoes -
You knew it was coming, what would Christmas be with out the song about the strange child's need to buy his dying mother a pair of whore's shoes.



So many questions:  where is this kids father?; where is the store security?; where are child services?  I need a drink after this one.


Do They Know It's Christmas? -
What's not to love about a song when rich smug English singers get together after a few pints and try to shame you into making a contribution to their favorite charity?



And no - they probably don't have calendars and they probably don't celebrate Christmas.


Dog barking Jingle Bells -
Please, I beg you, just skip to the next video.



See now that you've watched it, you're reconsidering Michael Vicks convictions.


I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus -
Poor Michael, if only he hadn't seen this horrible scene



perhaps Joe wouldn't have beaten him so much, there wouldn't have been so many child sleep overs and maybe he'd still be alive!


Please Daddy Don't Get Drunk This Christmas -
Another C & W classic. I can't believe this hasn't been options for a Hallmark special.



This song has everything the holidays should be about - alcoholism, child abuse, tears and then drunken sex and/or spousal abuse.


What do you get a wookie for Christmas? - 
Christmas without Star Wars would be unthinkable -



but I bet you'd give it a shot


Merry Merry